How to Argue in a Relationship

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Avery and I have never explicitly discussed how we would handle our relationship and what we put out into the social media realm. But we do have a sort of unspoken rule to just not post badly about the other. Believe me, there have been times where it would have been so easy to tweet out something nasty about him or an argument to have random people tell me I’m right in the situation. But every time I get the urge to do so, I stop and think about it. Sometimes I even write it out in a tweet and save it in a draft. Every single time, I end up deleting before I even send it out or forgetting about it in my drafts folder. Sure, it may feel good in the moment when you’re heated and ready to win at any cost, but when you’ve cooled down enough to want to talk it out, you not only have to talk about the initial argument, you also must talk/apologize for the way you handled it.

People often feel more confident online than they do in real life. Not every thought needs to be broadcast to the entire world via the internet; some aspects of a relationship should remain private. That’s not to say you can’t vent to your best friend about your relationship, but it’s a different ballpark when you decide to invite strangers to have a look into intimate parts of your relationship.

I’m sharing this becasue I know everyone has arguments, big or small. I’m in no way saying that the following suggestions are necessarily the right way for everyone to handle their relationship spats, but here are some healthier ways we can work towards settling an argument.

  1. Take a step back.

Not to say you should let the issue fester about for days, but sometimes you need a minute (or an hour) to gather your thoughts and think about what is truly the issue. I find that 99% of the time when I truly think about the issue, it’s very , VERY stupid. (Don’t ever say this to your partner because it may just exacerbate the actual problem.)

  1. Listen to what the other person is saying.

Even if you don’t agree with an ounce of what the other person is saying, give them the floor for a second. Just listen and don’t say a word. Sometimes, this is just as important as offering an apology.

  1. Offer an apology.

Don’t stay mad just because you don’t want to be wrong. Sometimes, even if you’re wrong, you need to take one for the team. There are sure to be times in the future where you’re wrong but can’t admit it, and it would feel nice for your partner to give you an out by apologizing. Very few arguments in a relationship are worth the anger and resentment.

  1. Try your very hardest not to keep fighting the same fight.

This is one of the hardest steps on this list because it requires communication and finding lasting solutions to our problems. A lot of us like to avoid having tough conversations, so it’s easier to keep fighting. This isn’t healthy and eventually one of you will get tired of it. Work on having good communication when you’re not having an argument, so that way it’s easier to be honest when you are having a fight. Solving issues the first time, will lower the chances of repeating the same fight again. (Sorry Avery, but I have a feeling you’re always going to have to remind me to run the garbage disposal, unless you want to take over dish duty.)

 

If you have any tips you would like to add to this list, please do. Or if you disagree with any of my tips, please leave a comment below.

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Why Laughter is the Best Medicine For Relationships

Laughter requires the movement of muscles, meaning your heart rate increases, and more oxygen enters our tissues. Laugh more, and you can exercise less because laughter burns calories.1 The release of endorphins that is caused by increased blood flow lowers stress levels. 2

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Avery is probably one of the funniest people I have ever met. I tell him multiple times a day that he’s not. Gotta keep his ego in check, ya know? He likes to make up his own lyrics to songs that are absolutely ridiculous. And he’s not afraid to be undeniably weird in front of me. I love that he’s able to be so comfortable with me. I think it definitely took some time for us to be completely relaxed in front of one another. It was nothing like “we were completely comfortable with each other right away” crap you hear all the time. While that may be the case for some couples, I would say a majority of us have some reservations when getting to know someone new.

LAUGHTER MAKES IT EASIER TO TALK TO ONE ANOTHER
Communication is so much easier when it’s not serious all the time with every single conversation. That’s not to say there isn’t a time and place to be completely serious, but most of the time, it’s way easier to talk to someone when you know you can be playful, yourself, and laugh at one another. Communicating your feelings with someone who has the power to hurt you emotionally is daunting. But knowing you can laugh and connect with them makes it easier when you have something serious to relay to them.

LEARN TO LAUGH AT YOURSELF
For the longest time, I was so uncomfortable laughing at myself. I have this self-conscious need to be flawless, or to appear so to others. I don’t like to fail, so it was hard to laugh at myself and my mistakes. With Avery, I wasn’t afraid to show him that I wasn’t perfect all the time. And he taught me that it was okay to laugh at myself every once in a while. And when you’re able to laugh at yourself, it doesn’t matter what others say about you. This is one of the best things that has come out of my relationship with Avery, and I thank God every day that he was able to show me how amazing it is that I’m not perfect.

CONNECTS US
What’s so funny about Avery and I is that we are very much the “opposites attract” couple. He is very outwardly personable, while I am an introvert through and through. He makes friends easily and I much happier not being put in situations of meeting new people. He likes to have a plan and stick with it. To me, having a plan is nice but things don’t always happen the way we want them to, and I am perfectly fine with that.
The one thing that brings us together as a couple is laughter. Anyone who doesn’t like to joke around with his or her significant other needs to find a new partner. Laughing is universal, and it allows us to connect with each other.

So laugh a little more, stress a little less, and know everything will be okay.

  1. http://www.webmd.com/balance/features/give-your-body-boost-with-laughter
  2. http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/stress-management/in-depth/stress-relief/art-20044456