I have never been good at saying sorry. Not because I don’t think I’m ever wrong. Often times I will know I’m wrong. But saying “I’m sorry” out loud is acknowledging to OTHERS that I’m wrong. That is difficult and embarrassing and hard. Despite that, people who want healthy relationships need to learn how to say sorry.
I like to hold grudges. Or I used to. I held onto my anger and let it control my actions. This is just not a healthy way of dealing with problems especially in a romantic relationship because relationships require communication. My punishment of choice is the opposite of communication: the silent treatment. And I never liked to admit when I was wrong.
Saying sorry in a relationship is important, though. It allows for healthy dialogue to take place. I am very proud of the way that I have learned that saying sorry isn’t showing weakness rather it shows strength and a willingness to work through problems rather than casting them aside and hoping they get better by ignoring them (this NEVER works, by the way). It’s a sign of maturity.
We need to make a conscious decision to say sorry more often. Mistakes need to be tolerated because no one is perfect. All relationships, in fact, are imperfect. And this is why “I’m sorry” is so vital. It may take a while before you are able to recognize that you aren’t being tolerant enough of your partner and their faults. But it should always be a goal to talk things out, let it go, and say I’m sorry.
I’m learning, and I still have a long way to go. Avery, stick with me. And I promise to do the same with you.
I’m not going to lie, I wanted the big wedding with the huge cake, white dress, and a first dance. Well, my dress wasn’t white, we didn’t dance, but I did get my cake! (In my eyes, that was the most important part.) Before Avery left for basic training, we set a date about a year in the future.
But things changed when he left. I didn’t cry until I got my first letter a week after he left. I hadn’t even opened it yet and I was bawling. Every day he was gone was just a check on my calendar. About three weeks before he was set to graduate I got to talk to him on the phone. And we talked about eloping. And once it was out there, we couldn’t stop thinking about it.
It was actually very easy. Much easier than I expected. After his graduation, we drove to the courthouse where we met up with our families. I had been in contact with Donald Lang who has been helping military couples for many years. He met us at the courthouse to help walk us through the whole process. Immediately after we got our marriage license, we walked to his little chapel across the street and had a small ceremony with both our families. It was short and sweet.
I absolutely, positively do not regret eloping. It was probably the best way we could have started off our marriage. Here’s why:
- We didn’t spend a lot of money. The most we spent was on our rings, which to me, is a wise investment.
- The day was about the two of us because we didn’t have any frills. There was no anxiety about decorations or food. No worrying about anything other than making it to the courthouse.
- Our family was there to witness it. Of course we would have loved to include a few more people, but the most important people in our lives were there.
Maybe one day we will have a ceremony to renew our vows with all of our family and friends, but if we don’t, I will be completely content with our wedding day.
Thanksgiving is more than 5 months away. But I was just watching a vlogger couple, The Frey Life, asked their viewers what we were thankful for. Their vlogs highlight what Mary goes through living with cystic fibrosis. I appreciate them for reminding me that we should all constantly and continuously analyze our life on what’s important.
My simple answer to their question is: today. I’m thankful for the opportunity to sleep in a little longer than usual. I’m thankful to spend the day with my husband and my dog. I’m thankful for my mom who sent me and Avery a card for our anniversary. I’m thankful for the chocolate cake Avery made me. I’m grateful for Whataburger chicken strips. (Yes, I realize today was not a healthy day as far as food goes, but it’s my anniversary weekend so we indulged.)
I’m grateful for the life I have been blessed with. I know that everyday is not going to be as easy or as fun or as relaxing as today has been. But I hope that I can remember today, and days like this, to get me through the harder moments that life will inevitably throw my way.
Now I ask, what are you thankful for?
PEOPLE WILL DOUBT YOU
We’re young. Only 21, closer to 22 now. Although no one has said this to our faces, I’m sure we had a lot of doubters when we said we were engaged, and we probably still do a year into our marriage. I’ve heard through my mom and some friends what others have said to them about us. That we’re “too young”. (Well, we’re of legal age, so no, we’re not too young.) Or “what’s the rush?”. ( Why wait? I get to spend my life with my best friend, why wouldn’t I want that?) Or “Is she pregnant?”. (No, I wasn’t pregnant when I got married, I’m not pregnant now, and we don’t plan on it for at least a few years. Not that it’s any one else’s business, even if I was.)
PEOPLE WILL JUDGE YOU
When I tell some people that I’m married, they get this look of shock that morphs into a fake enthusiasm. They’ll then ask about Avery and when we got married and a myriad of others details on which to judge us. I won’t lie. It’s hard to know that people will judge me based on the fact that I chose to be tied to one person for the rest of my life at a relatively young age. Some act as though my life as I know it is ending. I used to feel like I had to prove that my love for Avery was real enough. And when I feel that way, I remind myself that my marriage is between me and Avery and no one else.
YOUR PARTNER WILL PISS YOU OFF
Avery does this thing where he asks me to do things that he’s more than capable of doing. Like we’ll be sitting on the couch and he’ll ask me to get him a water bottle or heat him up some food or get his work boots from the room or any other small task that wouldn’t normally bother me, but when I spend all day running around doing these small things, it really grinds my gears. What makes him incapable of doing any of these things?! Nothing! And I tell him this every few days. And then I get over it. Because IT’S NOT A BIG DEAL. Certainly not worthy of the energy it would take to fight about it.
AND THEY’LL MAKE YOU HAPPIER THAN YOU EXPECTED
I do a lot of the cleaning around the apartment. (Avery, you know it’s true. Don’t argue with me.) And it’s fine with me because I don’t like having the place a mess. So today when I found that Avery had folded the towels without me having to ask, I was beyond grateful. Not because I wouldn’t have to do it, but because I know that folding laundry is his most hated household chore. The fact that he took the time to do this to help me out despite the fact that he despises it (and is terrible at it) shows me he cares. Who knew I’d be so happy over some folded towels in a laundry basket?